Caregiving can feel heavy, but it’s not all bad. Even on the hardest days, there are moments of joy, connection, and laughter that remind me why this journey is worth it. For me, one of those moments came unexpectedly, years after my mom stopped playing cards with her friends. It was a brief return to an old tradition, sparked by a family visit.
The joy wasn’t in reliving the past but in creating something new. It’s moments like these that remind me caregiving isn’t just about responsibility—it’s about love, patience, and finding light in unexpected places.
The Tradition That Faded Away
For years, Friday night card games were a cornerstone of my mom’s social life. She loved playing 5 Crowns, Canasta, and Hand & Foot with her friends—a game full of strategy, luck, and plenty of laughs. It wasn’t just about the game itself; it was about the connection, the sense of community, and the joy it brought her.
But over time, the games became less frequent. She started canceling plans more often, focusing on her pain instead of the fun she used to have. At first, she’d still invite her friends over, but as the months went on, her once-loved Friday nights quietly faded away.
When my mom moved closer to me after I got married, she never resumed those games. Her world had shifted, and so had her priorities. I think now that it may have been one of the early signs of what was to come. At the time, though, I didn’t recognize it for what it was.
A Family Visit and a New Moment of Joy
Years later, when I had to move my mom closer to me again, this time out west, a family friend came to visit us. He’d been part of her Friday night card group back in the day, and naturally, we thought it would be fun to play a game of 5 Crowns for old times’ sake.
What I thought would be a nostalgic moment turned into something very different.
As we sat down to play, my mom struggled to remember the rules. She asked the same questions repeatedly, unable to retain the instructions no matter how many times we explained them. Watching her confusion was hard, but seeing the look of concern on our family friend’s face made it even harder.
“That’s not the woman I used to play this game with every Friday night,” he told me later.
It was a bittersweet moment. On one hand, it was clear that something had shifted—she was no longer the same person she’d been during those Friday night games. But on the other hand, there was something deeply joyful about the laughter we shared that evening, even amidst the confusion.
Finding Light in the Little Moments
Caregiving can be overwhelming, especially when you’re balancing it with something like Multiple Sclerosis (MS). But that game night with our family friend taught me an important lesson: joy doesn’t have to look the way it used to. It can be found in new ways, in small, imperfect moments that might not seem like much but mean everything.
It’s in moments like these that I see glimpses of the mom I’ve always known:
- The way she lights up when she gets a great hand.
- The laughter that bubbles up when she realizes she’s been holding the wrong card for two turns.
- The stories she tells, even if they’ve grown jumbled or fragmented over time.
These small joys have a way of cutting through the weight of caregiving, reminding me that there’s still so much life and love to be shared.
Lessons from 5 Crowns
Playing 5 Crowns with my mom has taught me a lot about caregiving—and about life:
- Focus on What Matters: It doesn’t matter if the game goes perfectly or if the rules get a little fuzzy. What matters is the time we spend together.
- Adapt to the Moment: Caregiving isn’t about holding on to how things used to be—it’s about finding ways to create new memories in the now.
- Find Your Joy: Even on the hardest days, there’s something to smile about. Whether it’s a card game, a cup of tea, or a shared laugh, those little joys make all the difference.
Caregiving as a Journey of Connection
There are days when caregiving feels like too much. The stress, the unpredictability, and the emotional toll can weigh you down, especially when you’re managing your own challenges with MS. But moments like that family game night remind me why I’m doing this.
Caregiving isn’t just about responsibility. It’s about connection. It’s about finding ways to share joy, even in the face of difficulty. And it’s about celebrating the person you love—not for who they were, but for who they are right now.
Final Thoughts: Finding Your Own Joy
If you’re a caregiver, I encourage you to look for the little moments of joy in your journey. They won’t erase the challenges, but they’ll give you the strength to keep going. Whether it’s a card game, a shared meal, or a quiet moment of laughter, those moments matter more than you realize.
Because caregiving isn’t just about giving. It’s about loving.
Resource for Caregivers
Looking for ways to connect with your loved one during caregiving? The Alzheimer’s Association Activity Guide offers creative ideas for spending meaningful time together, even as dementia progresses.
